Tag Archives: funny

First World Problem

For anyone who has traveled and spent any amount of time in underdeveloped (third world) countries, the concept of “first world problem” is not an unfamiliar one.  First world problems are ones that either simply don’t occur in the third world, or aren’t something you would put in the “problem” category due to the rather unimportant nature of them in the big picture.

Yesterday my friend Krista posted this status update on facebook:

”  first world problem: I have cookie crumbs in my papercut. 😦  “

I laughed.

I spent the summer a number of years ago with Krista in the bush in Zambia on a mission trip.  Her duffel bag with everything she would need for the summer didn’t get to Zambia with her.  She spent the entire summer using other people’s stuff and wearing their clothes.  And she never complained, not once.   She was a trooper.  Having nothing?  A third world problem.  But hey, in the first world, a paper cut can sting when it gets cookie crumbs in it!

This morning in my inbox there was an e-mail from a company called “Fab”.  They sell all kinds of really cool and mostly totally unnecessary stuff.  Today a link to some very fun looking brightly colored small kitchen appliances caught my eye.  I would love to own a number of them if only I had room for them in my kitchen (first world problem).  And then I saw it.  A mini s’mores maker.

Really???  Is that a solution to a first world problem or what??

Or does it just take all the fun out of s’mores?

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My Little Sister Cracks Me Up…

I recently posted on my facebook page that there was a news report concerning a missing 23 year-old woman.  There was extra concern in this case because (as it was reported) she was “developmentally disabled, having the mental capacity of a teenager”.

Ya know, I made some stupid decisions when I was a teenager, but I don’t exactly consider teenagers in general to be developmentally disabled.

Apparently neither did my sister, Liz, whose space bar on her phone is malfunctioning, and who wrote:

“ThatMeansShe’llBeFine…..

SheKnowsEverything….

AndCanAffordAnything…..”

Like I said, my little sister cracks me up!

(From what I hear, the missing woman was located.)


“Screaming Mary Jesus” – Not a Religious Post

The first time I heard this phrase I was working in an Emergency Department in Los Angeles.

Me:  “You brought your child here because you think she might have whaaaat?”

Mother:  “I think she might have screaming mary jesus.”

(Yes, that’s what I THOUGHT I heard her say!)

Once I determined WHY she thought her daughter had what she thought her daughter had, I put the pieces of the puzzle together and the light went on.

Spinal Meningitis.  She thought her daughter had spinal meningitis!  Hard to maintain one’s composure and not LOL at something like that!!!!

Over my tenure in the ED I was exposed to lots of cases of meningitis requiring that I (and everyone else exposed) be treated with Cipro (a powerful broad spectrum antibiotic) in order to protect from contracting the disease.  Being exposed to infectious diseases on a daily basis was one thing I wasn’t going to miss about being in the ED when I left it.

Segue to today….

Today, while working in the MRI suite, a man was brought over from the Emergency Department for a brain scan.  The chief complaint for this patient was “altered level of consciousness”.  It was believed he might have had a stroke due to his atrial fibrillation (an irregular and less effective heart rhythm which can lead to the formation of clots in the heart which can then be shed up into the brain – a stroke).  In chatting with the nurse, it seemed to me like he had something possibly very different.  He had an altered level of consciousness, yes.  But he hadn’t been feeling well for a number of days.  He was running an elevated temperature, and he had been up vomiting in the night before his altered mental status became apparent to his wife.  When she helped him back to bed she noticed purple dots on his legs.  All of these things, to me, added up to “maybe we should be suspicious that he has meningitis”.

Which he did.

FORTUNATELY the patient was intubated, thus greatly reducing the potential for the introduction of bacteria into the air as meningitis is spread by contact with nasal and oral secretions.

UNFORTUNATELY the ventilator did NOT have a filter, therefore increasing the potential for the introduction of bacteria into the air.

So, all those people in the ED who had contact with this patient would be getting Cipro to protect themselves (nurses, doctors, EMTs, RTs, phlebotomists, Rad Techs, etc.)  And off to the Workman’s Comp clinic for the three of us imaging employees who were exposed.  More Cipro for me!  Yay!!!  Only two doses though.  No big deal.  I just thought those days were behind me…

AND I have missed the last two Photo Fridays.  Dang.  I need to manage my time better!


You Might Be a Nurse If….

Every once in awhile a list of things which, if they apply to you, might mean you are a nurse, gets circulated around.  Each time it comes around, there is usually a new addition, or more, to the list.  Some of them are perennial favorites of mine, like:

You might be a nurse if you recognize you can’t cure stupid.

Or…

You might be a nurse if you consider a tongue depressor an eating utinsel.

Or…

You might be a nurse if eating popcorn out of a clean bedpan is a completely natural thing to do.

Or…

You might be a nurse if you’ve ever heard someone with a nose ring, a brow ring, 12 earrings and sleeve tattoos say “I’m afraid of shots”.

Or…

You might be a nurse if your friends and family hate to watch medical sitcoms and dramas with you because you spend the whole time pointing out errors and upside-down X-rays.

I could go on.

But there was a new one on the latest list sent around to me and it cracked me up cuz it’s sooooo true!!!!!

You might be a nurse if you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom!!!

Still crackin’ up at that one!


“My Mom Is Having a Stroke!”

My first nursing job was on an orthopedic unit in a Los Angeles hospital.  A large percentage of the patients admitted there had undergone hip and knee replacements.  The nature of this type of surgery and the populations in which it is generally performed means that there can be significant post-operative complications.  These patients are especially vulnerable in the first few days following surgery.

But I was taken by surprise when the daughter of one elderly patient, who was nearly ready to be discharged home and who had been doing remarkably well up until that morning, came running to the nurses station shouting that her mom was having a stroke.  I rushed into the room, not exactly certain what to expect.

There my patient sat, in her chair, her mouth very twisted, drooling.  She was having terrible difficulties with speech, but seemed mentally clear and was able to follow all instructions.  Her hand grips were equal and strong, she denied having a headache, she denied any numbness or weakness anywhere and was able to take steps normally, she had no vision changes.  I asked her to smile to check on the symmetry of her mouth, but she struggled to do this and was unable to despite repeated attempts.  I didn’t think she was having a stroke, but clearly something WAS horribly wrong.  The symptoms seemed to come on suddenly, out of the blue, and there was no progression.  Her vitals were fine.  I was a new nurse, and I kind of wanted to panic, but the family was all staring at me, counting on me to handle the situation professionally.

Resisting the urge to call for help at this point as I WAS the help, and before sending out the alarm, I decided to calmly ask a few more questions.  The answer that sent a bell off in my head was that the symptoms exactly coincided with the insertion of her dentures.  I asked her to take them out.

When she popped the top denture out we all broke out laughing.  She had put her dentures in upside down!  The twisting of her mouth, the inablity to speak or smile, and the drooling was due to the fight she was having to keep the dentures from falling out!

Boy, would I have been embarrassed to have sent up flares and had a doctor come in only to discover the same thing.

This is one of those patient stories you remember forever!  Don’t have any idea why I was thinking of her particulary today, but just thought I would share that little story.  Moral?  Always take the time to evaluate a situation before panicking!  🙂


“Price Does Not Include Taxes, or Cheese” AND Gas Prices

Do you ever have the radio on and realize that you aren’t really listening when something catches your attention and then you WISHED you’d been paying attention  when you hear that quick and low voiced lawyer generated disclaimer at the end of a commercial that says

“pricedoesnotincludetaxes,orcheese”?

That happened to me today.  What sort of specially priced item do you suppose required that disclaimer??  I was laughing!  It’s just so odd!!  I bet I’ll never hear it again either so it will be a mystery forever!  Some lawyer actually got paid to come up with that.  I bet he/she is laughing, too, all the way to the bank!

Also, I think that my question of just how low gas prices can get has finally been answered.  A few days ago the gas at my favorite gas station was $1.32/gal.  Today it was $1.35.  All the stations in town have recently bumped their prices, so I guess it’s over. 

Watching the gas prices tumble was fun while it lasted!


Snowveralls

I gave my nephew Mitchell a pair of snow overalls (what I call “snowveralls”) for Christmas.  When he opened them up and pulled them from the box, his mom asked him if he knew what they were. 

 Almost without hesitation he nearly shouted…  “OVARIES!”.

True story.  I was there!


Do you EVER stop moving???

I spent part of the Labor Day holiday weekend with my six-year-old nephew.  We had a great time.  He spent the night at my house, just him, and we did some fun things!

Yesterday while at the zoo, I just had to ask him about his state of perpetual motion.  That kid is all over the place all the time, a seemingly bottomless pit of energy and interest in his world.  It’s hard to keep up with him on any level.  He’s a blur most of the time, and even when he’s “sitting still”, he’s always moving around.  It cracks me up!  Even on the couch while watching TV he repositions himself about every, well, every 2-3 seconds!  I counted!!!  No wonder he’s hungry all the time, he’s constantly burning up energy.

So I asked him, “Do you EVER stop moving???”

He immediately began to tell me about how he used to live with Auntie Diane in California, and then he moved in with Uncle Phil, and then he moved HERE!

So, yes, he has moved A LOT! 

My sisters and I broke out in laughter!

NOT the answer any of us were expecting!

🙂


A Funny Story About Chivalry

Last night in Illinois, I went out to dinner with friends…my friend Kevin’s mother, father, brother, and his brother’s two kids.  The brother (Kurt) gave me his hand to help me into the SUV to which I commented “chivalry is not dead!”.  His son, seven, asked me “what does that word mean”.  I told him that chivalry was when boys helped girls do things.  Shortly after that, Kurt said something rather off-color to which I responded “I was wrong, chivalry IS dead”.  We all laughed.  His son asked me “What does it mean that that word you said–meaning chivalry–is dead?”.  I explained in the best words I could to a seven year old.  He seemed to understand as he told me “sometimes I help my sister, so that word’s not dead”.  How CUTE is THAT???

Earlier that day, I had given his little sister, age five, a little purple penguin Peek-a-Pooh, like this one:

It’s about an inch tall and hangs from a thin yellow cord.  Now in the car, the two of them were struggling for control of said Peek-a-Pooh in the back seat.  It was getting loud!  Just as their dad had decided they were getting too rowdy and made them knock it off, brother managed to get the toy and it would appear from the timing that he had won the battle.  I heard sister’s quiet little voice from the back seat state very matter-of-factly…

“It’s dead”.

Apparently she ALSO grasped the meaning of chivalry and the state of chivalry in the back seat last night!

🙂


“Self Portrait” – Photo Friday

Today’s Photo Friday is entitled: “Self Portrait″

Our challenge this week was to create a self portrait by utilizing one of the following gadgets!  Fun!

Hockneyizer  Create a unique photo collage in the style of the artist David Hockney

Warholizer  Create an iconic pop photo! Inspired by Warhol’s famous paintings of Marilyn Monroe

Framer  Choose from tons of unique frames to spice up a photo

Motivator  Make your own inspirational, funny, parody, sports or other motivational self portraits

Mosaic Maker  Make a mosaic

Palette Generator  Automagically generate a harmonious color palette based on the colors in a photo – perfect for design work

Lolcat Generator  This gadget will allow you to bring out your humerous side by adding a funny caption to any photo of yourself

This was a very well-timed challenge as I got my hair cut a couple of days ago.  My hair is pretty thick, and sort of curly.  I wanted it much shorter for my mission this summer.  Having it long is easy in that I can just pull it up and out of the way into a ponytail, but it’s time-consuming when it comes to keeping it clean since baths are done out of a bucket and getting cream rinse all out of all that hair takes too much water.  And frankly the heat in Florida combined with all that hair can really make a girl hot and uncomfortable. 

Joanne (my friend and stylist!) discussed my objectives:

  • I need to be able to just wash, run my fingers through it, and go
  • It needs to be long enough so that I can go for a couple of months without a trim and have it still look good
  • I wanted it shorter in back, longer in front, and of a length where I could tuck it behind my ears

We looked at some pictures that had elements of what I was looking for, and then, out came the scissors!  Joanne went right to work cutting off a foot long ponytail that I hope to donate to Locks of Love.  It already looked cute! 

I love the final product.  I can wear it natural, or blow it out straight.  I had in mind to take a picture of the end result to use for this challenge.  I forgot my camera.  Joanne took some, but I can’t use those for this.  So I got out my cell phone and set up the shot, had Joanne hold the camera, and I hit the button.  I  had a second to get back into the frame before the picture would be taken, and I was absolutely cracking up.  I decided to use that picture.

HOWEVER, last night, no matter what I tried to do, I could not get onto the internet.  My connection was fine, there was nothing out of the ordinary, so I don’t know what the deal is.  SOOOOooo, even though it’s agains the rules of my company, I decided I’d just do it at work, which is where I am at…currently on lunchbreak.  I got my cell pic up onto Flickr okay and then created an account so I could use Hockney’s gadgets.

BUUUUUT, I couldn’t get any of the gadgets to work.  I think I’m blocked or something on this work computer.  Oh well, so, here’s my self portrait, but it is embarrassingly un-gadgetified for this challenge!

I have to clock back in.  I’ll be back to finish this up hopefully soon!

🙂

Later…

Yay!  My internet was working wonderfully when I got home from work today.  Ergo, I am now adding my REAL honest to goodness Hockneyized self portrait to this entry!  Woo Hoo!  Here you go! 

And a motivational poster, just for good measure…

Please don’t forget to check out the work of the other participants!

Sky Windows & Idea Jump! & A Curious State of Affairs & Looking In The Mirror

If I have missed any players, please leave a comment and let me know so that I can link to you.

Next week’s Photo Friday for 16th May has been chosen by CuriousC: 

“Doors, Doorways, & Entries…. to the soul, the house, a city, whatever…”

Future Photo Friday titles:

Friday 23th May : Title by Julie: Emotion

Friday 30th May : Title by CordieB: Phantasmagoria

Friday 6th June : Title by Author: Diptychs

(or Triptychs if you prefer to use 3 images)

 

 


“Re: Essay and other such rubbish” – PART II

Here is the second installment from my 16 year old nephew Richard’s ‘Essays on the benefits and Wonders of what Society Deems as “Negative Traits”‘.  (Click HERE to read the first).  Enjoy! 

Part 1: The Joy of Pessimism

PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist

with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)

            The average member of a society, when hearing the word “Pessimism”, conjures up images of sour-faced, ill tempered individuals who darken those around them with their morose countenance. This is but an atypical example.

            True Pessimists, myself included, have simply experienced enough of life’s trials and difficulties to conclude that things rarely, if ever, go as planned, and, more often than not, drown in the slough of inadequacy and disappointment. A true pessimist realizes that any hope in the things of this world will eventual succumb, suffocated by the festering miasma of time, dissatisfaction, and extraneous, albeit not unpredicted, circumstances.

            There is a certain joy, however, reserved only for we true pessimists. Our mindset tends for us to set low expectations of life around us. The truth of the matter is, however, that in our civilized life, with our inexhaustible supply of resources, pursuits, and possibilities, things never fall too far into disarray. We pessimists, by keeping our expectations low, often see them fulfilled, despite the fact that all does not go to plan. Moreover, should everything go as planned, our expectations are fulfilled above and beyond what we had hoped for. This constant fulfilling, as a result, makes us happier individuals, for our lives progress far better than we expect. In this, optimism seems to the observing pessimist not only absurd, but oxymoronic. An optimist always has high expectations and hopes, which are rarely if ever fulfilled, yet they remain happy. A Calvin and Hobbes comic strip emphasizes the credo of we true pessimists best:

Calvin and Hobbes are walking in the woods. Calvin turns to Hobbes and asks, “If  you could have one wish, what would it be?” Hobbes ponders this for while and replies, “A sandwich”. Calvin proceeds to condemn Hobbes as a fool for using his wish as such, listing all the things he could have wished for. At the end of their walk, Hobbes goes to the kitchen, makes himself a sandwich, and says, “I got my wish”.

            In the end, true pessimists see their low expectations fulfilled all the time, and we are happier as a result, whereas optimists rarely see their high expectations fulfilled, but are still happy because they are optimists, always looking forward to the future.

If “40 is the new 30”, and “pink is the new black”, then it appears that “pessimism is the new optimism”!  🙂

What do you suppose his NEXT essay will be about???

 


“Re: Essay and other such rubbish” – PART I

That was the subject line of an e-mail I received from my nephew Richard.  I had called his house moments before and my little sister Whitney was cracking up about this new bit of writing that Richard was reading to her.  He said he was going to send it to me to read.  I asked him if it was okay if I put it on my blog if I liked it.  He’s been the subject of many of my posts already, so I’m pretty sure that he knew that this was more than a distinct possibility.  BUT, I like to get permission to “publish”, if you will, the creative works of another.  Permission was granted.  This tome of his is a work in progress.  I hope to be receiving more of the essays that make up the ESSAY in the days to come.   Here is the first installment of:

Essays on the benefits and Wonders of what

Society Deems as “Negative Traits”

Introduction

            My intent for these essays is that they be used to show the lighter side of what many deem as negative traits, and how they are beneficial to those blessed with them, if used properly. I started writing these essays on a whim: I was in study hall, and, having successfully completely all of my math work, I decided to pass the rest of study hall writing an essay on pessimism, extolling a thesis I had contrived regarding pessimism some months earlier, and then seen mirrored in a fellow classmate of mine. This one essay snowballed into a series of essays dealing with related subjects. So, here they are:

Okay, well, that ought to whet your whistle!  You’ll have to wait for the next installment!  It’ll be worth the wait though.  It’s called “The Joy of Pessimism”.


Scotch Shortbread…Shortnin’ Bread

My cousin Julie was asking for “my” recipe for shortbread.  I make a killer shortbread.  Except the recipe is not mine, it’s my friend, Joanne’s.  I don’t know where she got it, but here it is, so that the rest of you can make killer Scotch Shortbread, too.

Instead of using sprinkles on top, I like to lightly coat the top with plain old white sugar.  And cut it BEFORE it cools.  That’s important!

As I was writing this post, I couldn’t get that song “Shortnin’ Bread” that Ethel Mertz sings in one of my favorite “I Love Lucy” episodes, “Ethel’s Hometown”.  Ethel stabs Fred, Lucy, and Ricky in the back, and puts on a “solo show” without her three sidekicks.  Or at least that’s what she thought!  I LOVE Fred and his tree!  I found Ethel’s solo show on YouTube, so you can share in the laughter!


Dan, A Wal-Mart Associate

My best friend’s parents live in Arkansas.  Though he doesn’t look it, her father Dan must be Jamaican….he has like thirty jobs.  😉

One of those jobs is a night shift at Wal-Mart.

Dan and Lorraine are prolific e-mailers.  They used to be prolific letter writers…but then the internet happened.  Boy, are they are FUNNY!  They write the most amazing vignettes.  I am lucky enough to be on the family distribution list, so I get regular e-mail updates from them.  I often, and I mean OFTEN, want to start a new blog where I would just post their e-mails, but that would be sort of rude, since they are personal notes, AND I’ve not exactly been authorized to do that!

However, tonight’s e-mail entitled “Wednesday Evening” contained a couple of sentences that I couldn’t resist:

“…they announced in our
Associate Meeting (which ends in a silly Wal-Mart Cheer) last night
that “Santa will be in EVERY Wal-Mart
…EVERY weekend…until Christmas”
…”So bring your kids and a camara”.
How is this possible? No wonder the toys all come from China…Santa is too busy
hanging out at Wal-Mart. At least Stone County is “dry” so Santa will be sober
here.”

Classic.  Just classic!

Since most of the people I know get plenty of lead and Rohypnol in their diets already, I’ve decided to “boycott” China and not buy anything that is made there or imported from there.  I have found that I needn’t bother shopping at all, so I’ll sure save a bunch of money on presents this year!


I Heard the Pharmacist Laughing…

I have recently found a couple of blogs that are absolute gems.  They are written by emergency nurses.  I used to be one of those.  It’s not a job I’d wish on my worst enemy, and yet it can be the most rewarding job EVER.  This is the strange paradox of working in an emergency department.  I had been thinking of writing about more of my experiences, but I tellya, these nurses live the same life I did.  They have many of the same stories.  So similar in fact, I wonder if I, in a fugue state, have started these blogs myself and write all these posts and have no memory of having done so when I come back into my own senses.  Because it reflects SO much of my experiences, I have added the blog ERNursey to my blogroll.  Anyhow, I thought I would share a funny little tale that happened years ago when I first worked in an ED.

Drug addicted patients will often go to great lengths to feed their addictions and they will often end up the ED where the overworked physicians who don’t know them might, just to be expedient, write them a script to get them out of the ED .  The stories these folks tell are sometimes so amazingly complex and creative that you almost want to just give them however many Vicodin their little hearts desire simply because they’ve put so much work into trying to get them. 

And then there’s the patient who does absolutely nothing in the way of research…

Case in point…Phone rings.  I answer.  Pharmacist on the other end tells me he’s calling to verify a prescription with me.  Asks if he can fax it over to verify it’s authenticity (yes, some patients actually STEAL prescriptions, or alter the ones they are given).  Sure.  Fax it over.  The fax maching rings.  I pull the fax off the machine and start to howl.  I call back the pharmacist, who, when he hears it is me on the phone also starts to laugh in the background!  Clearly I didn’t have to verify the authenticity of the script, but the pharmacist wanted to bring a little levity to my day.  The script read thusly…

“Mofeen 10 pounds”

The doctor’s signature was forged.  I told the pharmacist to call the police on this one. 

Good grief.  Mofeen.


Casual Care

I had been lookin’ for this!  Found it in a box of filing last weekend.  I LOVE this cartoon.  It cracks me up just because it’s so stupidly funny.  But I think the artist wasn’t just going for humor.  What do you think?  Was the artist just trying to be funny, or did he/she have something “bigger” to say?

Casual Care

“As you can see, we’ve transferred your husband from intensive to casual care.”


U (vula) Got To Be Kidding…

Okay, so I wouldn’t have believed this either, but I was working in the ER the day THIS guy came in….

He was about 20, and he was FREAKING out when he arrived.  Crying.  In a shaky voice he reported that he had a weird thing growing in his throat and that it was making it difficult to breathe.  And he was there with his twin brother who had similar complaints.  The one twin reportedly looked in his mouth and saw the growth just prior to rushing into the ER.  Before he left the house he called to his brother to have him see it, and his brother looked in his OWN mouth and saw that he had the same growth!  It was then that the difficulties with breathing started, and they high tailed it in to get emergency care.  They reported that they figured that they had both developed these growths in the same place because they were identical twins.

The nurse that triaged them could hardly contain herself.  When she had calmed them down long enough to be able to look in the throat of the first twin, this is what he cried…

“Can you see it?!!!  Can you see that red thing hanging down in the back of my mouth?”… 

!!!

Yes, she could.  And as the title of this post would suggest, these twins were all upset over discovering their uvulas.

Again, don’t people have ANY awareness of their bodies???

I guess not.


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