This was pretty much the only thing my brother had to say about the struggles I was having in my last serious relationship. The guy lived a thousand miles away, and had only come to visit me a single time. I had visited him a couple of times and we had made plans for him to come and visit me again on Valentine’s Day last year. Things were getting very serious between us. At least I thought they were.
It didn’t take long after my getting back home after my last visit for him to back away from his plan to come on Valentine’s Day. He was going to come some other time in February, after all “It doesn’t need to actually be ON Valentine’s Day”. And shortly after determining that a Valentine’s Day visit wasn’t in fact necessary, he backed off from the visit entirely. At the same time professing his love! I didn’t get it. I believed he wanted to be with me, but his actions certainly didn’t back that up. I kept making excuses for him. I soooo wanted to believe he wanted to be with me, but that there was something about him and his unknown struggle that seemed to make it difficult for him. So I excused his behavior and lamented what seemed to be an insurmountable chasm between us. And, my brother quietly and matter-of-factly said “if he wanted to be with you, he’d be with you”. When the guy decided to bail from the relationship pretty much without any warning, and with a set of very odd explanations as to why, and after having done this to me already a number of times in the past, I finally decided I’d had enough and said, fine, you want to walk away, walk away. To myself I finally admitted that I was tired of the games he seemed to be playing with me and that I couldn’t take his inconsistency and the incongruities of his words and his actions any more.
As the days turned into weeks and months, I kept making excuses for him. And Phil’s words kept coming back to me….If he had wanted to have been with me, he would have been with me. If he loved me enough and there truly WAS some unknown struggle that was keeping him from me, he would have addressed that issue…
Then “Colin and Stephanie” and “Clare and John” happened, and I realized that not only were Phil’s words true, but that I NEEDED to have a guy show his intent by pursuing me…by wanting to be with me.
At sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen years old, these four teenagers have shown me that love does what it takes. Colin, who lives in Northern California, has worked and saved and has traveled to Colorado to visit Stephanie three times since November! Clare’s John also lives in Northern California. Both John and Colin have flown in this weekend to take Stephanie and Clare to their prom. What fun! And what message does their coming here send to these girls? That they are valued. That the boys recognize the importance of things like the prom and that if the girls think its important, so do they. It tells these girls that they want to be with them. That they want to spend time with them. And that they will do what it takes to make that happen, even though they have no idea what the future holds for them.
Don’t they look amazing?? Thanks for the love lesson, kiddos. I needed that. Have a GREAT time at the prom! 🙂