What Do You Do?

I suppose that this is a problem that everyone faces when a relationship ends.  What do you do with "the box of stuff"?  The box looks different and has different things in it, but inside it's basically the same for everyone, isn't it?  Mine is white and green, and says Weyerhaeuser on it.  In big hand printed letters it also says "CDs & Clock", so I guess it was a moving box in its first life.

Ticket stubs, letters, notes, pictures…

I didn't know him very long, unless you count knowing him since childhood.  I was a child and he was nearly a man when I knew him "the first time".  I watched him from afar, admiring his blond hair, his light eyes, and his quick smile.  At ten years old, the idea that this almost-man would ever have anything to do with me was preposterous.

Thirty years later he shows up in my life again, and it wasn't such a preposterous notion anymore.  Nobody comes into a relationship without baggage of some type.  But one of the crazy things about this relationship was that my feelings for him predated my feelings for just about every boy for whom I ever had feelings (except for Frank Real, my kindergarten crush!).  I was ten, what did I know?  I know that he pulled my heart strings then, and I know I was nearly heartbroken when his family moved away all those years ago. 

And here I am, 41 years old, and heartbroken again.  Same guy, only slightly different story.  The first moving away involved a change of address, this one involved a change of heart.  There was a chasm between us that merely crossing the miles couldn't close.

So, what do I do with the cobalt blue water bottle, all those printouts of our hours-long IM sessions, the rocks I picked up along the railroad tracks in the Royal Gorge, the letters I wrote and never sent, his notes and his cards?  What do I do with the huge file with his name on it that I downloaded off my computer?  What do I do with the scavenger hunt mementos?  I don't think he's keeping ANY of "our stuff".  But I cannot bear to throw a single bit of it away.  So, what do I do with it?

Last night I went through it, read some things, touched things that he had touched.  But it served no purpose except to make me cry.  I don't think I can keep the box, but I can't get rid of it either.  Not yet.

But when?

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About Lou (Linda)

Just a girl from Colorado trying to live life to God's glory with a certain amount of gusto! View all posts by Lou (Linda)

2 responses to “What Do You Do?

  • wonderlandhwy

    Isn’t it so funny how we adhere to our “boxes of stuff”! I know this blog is 3 years old, but if you still have that “box of stuff” or any other for that matter, my suggestion would be to get a notebook/journal and paste every momento in it as a collage so to speak. Then put it on a bookshelf out of sight.
    I actually have a few of these now… every blue moon I will open one and the bittersweet sentiment felt seems a little less bitter. Although, there were those boxes which I had no choice but to burn! A notebook on a shelf is easier than a box full of stuff. I even cut shirts up and pasted pieces in them…. I could just be wierd though! And sometimes crying cleans the soul! 😉

  • Lou (Linda)

    I actually went through it just a couple of months ago. Got rid of pretty much all of it. Burned a lot of it in the fireplace. It was interesting. I didn’t even cry. It was just time for it all to go and to put the box “away” for good! There wasn’t anything in it I felt like I needed or wanted to keep anymore.

    Always good to see you come by my blog. I have left it mostly to its own devices lately and haven’t had the time to make the rounds visiting other blogs. Funny how much life changes in a year or two!

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